A Nice Day Out In Perth

Last Saturday far too early in the morning I boarded the bus to go to Perth to picket the Liberal Democrat Scottish Conference.

Naturally I was wearing my hi-vis jacket (See the suggestions made by the Let's Get Visible page on Facebook ).

The Police were present in huge numbers. In fact they probably out numbered us as there were only about 300 there. Two individuals who berated UNISON NLC Branch members for not attending demos were themselves absent from this. What we lacked in numbers was made up for by enthusiasm.

As well as the trade unionists there was a VERY strong presence of disabled activists who are particularly hacked off at the cuts to their income (which ARE happening despite what George Osborne and Danny Alexander say).

Most of the Lib Dems opted not to come out for lunch that day. The most famous face I saw was Russell Fairgrieve. No minister or other prominent figure appeared. Nick Clegg apparently sneaked in the back door. Good to know that the Deputy Prime Minister of this country is so craven he can't face a couple of hundred people who think he's wrong. We're all in together indeed.

The Lib Dems did offer a private meeting with some of the leading disabled activists. The activists are happy to meet but wish to do so in public. The relevant Ministers didn't seem to like this. Another example of their courage.

There was the usual barracking and most delgates scuttled away quickly, hiding their Conference passes. Most justed stayed in the hall. A brave few stood and smiled at us, but those smiles were wiped away by a quick chant of "Barnsley, Barnsley, Barnsley".

In all a nice day out and much more effective than a huge public demo which will be miles from those we "Lobby",

Five Women

Everything that is good about me was shaped by women. Sure male friends and relations have had their influence, but it's the women who have really counted.

Margaret Meiehofer, my mother. Her example taught me that it is OK to be smart and that education is good for itself alone. She also showed me that caring for others is the one thing we must all do.

Helen "Nen" Meiehofer, my auntie who took me in when my mother died. This despite the fact that she had 10 kids of her own. She taught me the importance of supporting family and friends in hard times. She also showed me that REAL love is expressed in practical terms rather than through hearts and flowers.

Carolyn Forrester, my first wife. She gave me the confidence to return to University to complete my education and a belief in my intellectual abilities.

Chrissie Carmouche, my best friend. She convinced me (by plucking me from obscurity to take her place as Secretary of the largest Trade Union branch in Western Europe) that I could make a positive contribution to public life. I have gone on to be a National Chair in the largest union in the United Kingdom, be Secretary of the Scottish Branch of the Trading Standards Institute and soon to be National Chair of TSI (subject to the democratic process)

Elizabeth Meiehofer, my wife. She got me to believe in myself once more when my ego had taken some hard knocks. Together we have raised our fine son and we have faced redundancy and cancer and beaten them both.

I think if we are honest, most of us owe a lot to the women in our life so on this International Women's Day let us celebrate and give thanks to our mothers, wives, daughters, cousins and friends for the joy and comfort they bring to this world and maybe we blokes should try just a little harder to make their lives easier.

Hallelujah I Love Glasgow So

Who is REALLY to Blame for the Funancial Crisi

Bankers are often blamed for the finaciaql crisis, but in fact the Government has identified the following as being those really to blame

1.The Guardian
2.Islington luvvies
3.Scotland
4.Wales
5.Northern Ireland
6.The Queen Mother (being dead for a number of years hasn't stopped her from being a big drain on the public purse)
7.Asylum seekers
8.Scroungers
9.Old Firm supporters
10.Fans of Man U, Liverpool, Man Ciry, the Arsenal, Chelsea, and most of all Alloa Athletic
11.The Bonzo Dog Doodah Band
12.Bank customers
13.Mark Steele, Billy Connolly, Kevin Bridges, Dara O'Brien and anyone who has ever apperaed on Mock the week, the News Quiz or the Now Show
14.Pete Postlethwaite, Susannah York and gerry rafferty
15.Any Facebook freind of Harold meiehofer
16.Sheep and other farm animals
17.Dogs, cats and other domesticated pets
18.Hospital patients, especially cancer fighters
19.Old people who refuse to die
20.Sick people who refuse to die
21.Young people who refuse to die
22.Commercial fishermen
23.Non-commercial fishermen
24.The Police
25.Fire Brigade
26.The BBC
27.Dr Who
28.My mum (deceased 1970)
29.Inverness Caledonian Thistle
30.Srudents
31.School pupils (but NOT truants)
32.The Broons and Oor wullie
33.Desparate Dan (Do you have any idea how much a cow pie costs these days
34.The Callaghan Government
35.Pope Bendeict
36.The girl on You Tube who fell into a fountain whilst texting
37.Anyone who listens to "The Archers", "get it on with Bryan Burnett" or "Woman's Hour"
38.Anyone who watches Eastenders, Coronation Street, BBC4, Panorama or any rolling news programme (But not Sky or Fox obviously)
39.The BBC
40.Imelda May
41.The Gallagher Brothers
42.Eddie Izzard
43.Motorists, smokers, drinkers and anyone with an annual income of less that £50K who has the audacity to eat food
44.The makers and fans of Shameless, The Wire, the West Wing, The sopranos, Upstairs Downstairs.and How Clean is your House
45.Three men fae Carntyne, a bottle of wine, and five Woodbine, a big black breyhoond dug called Boab, frae up oor close, alang oor street, a lassie called senga who works in the dairy, 's been skelly ever since the Milanda boay hit her on the heid with a briedboard, all of whom went to join the Parish, only to find it was shut (due to the hard decsions made by thsi coalition Government)
46.Malcolm Tucker
47.Graham Norton and Alan Carr (but NOT Johnny Carr)
48.Anyone who has ever appeared on
49.Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Albus Dumbledore, and the entire Weasley family (But NOT Lord Voldemort
50.Frodo, Sam, Merry and Pippin
51.The Liberal Democratic Party (Oops, sorry Nick)
52.Rupert and Paddington Bears etc etc etc
53.Oh and of course me, for going to the pictures on the odd occssion and preferring Andrex quilted to Izal


This list is not exhaustive and readers are invited to submit their suggestions.



I'm off to end it all and avoid becoming a burden on the state

Big H v Big C: Radio Gaga

Well they told me today that I would have to have radio therapy, which is a bit of a bummer.

I hadn't expected this as I had been told that this almost certainly wouldn't be necessary as surgery would almost certainly remove all of the melanoma. What happened was that 9 lymph nodes were removed from my neck and shoulder. Ouch I hear you cry.

Eight of these were intact. The ninth showed signs of "extra capular spread". That is it was burst. My surgeon, the brilliant Tamir Shoaib removed the muscle around the burst node but there is no way to be sure that all the cancerous cells have gone. They probably have but Radio therapy is used as a "belt and braces". I have to be fitted for a mask, which will be used to ensure that only the target area is hit by radiation. Then six weeks of radio therapy. Unfortunately I will not glow in the dark which would have been quite cool.

This is of course a bit of a set back, but I'm not worried. An individual as pig headed and stubborn as me simply will NOT be beat by cancer. So I fight on for another round, but I will get a knock out in the next round I'm sure (Cue theme from "Rocky", bit I'm running up nae B!££$% steps!)

On a lighter note my new hat is absolutely spiffing. So much so that i have taken to wearing it indoors and am morphing into Grandad from "Only Fools and Horses". Thomas seems resigned to being Rodney but I cannot get Elizabeth to respond to "Del Boy".

Hope you all had a great Christmas and New Year and that you join with me in sparing a few moments to think of the friends and familes of those killed in the awful incident in Arizona and indeed all other victims of crime, hatred and tyranny throughout the world

I'll see you on the other side

Harold

Addicted to Facebook?

I have been an admirer of Ruth Wishart’s writing, but have to say that her latest column on Facebook seemed just a little lazy; it can be difficult to work over the holiday season.

Ms Wishart concedes some of the advantages of Facebook. Certainly it has enabled me to establish contact with many people I haven’t seen for years. Most important has been the fact that I now speak almost daily with a cousin in Australia whom I have not seen since 1973. In addition I have been able to establish a network of contacts across the globe with whom I have a laugh and a joke every day. Also, we exchange views on politics, music, cinema and so on. Frankly I rely more on Facebook friend reviews than on the professionals (Except of course for the marvellous Mark Kermode; oops I forgot, he’s a Facebook friend).

I am currently recovering from an operation. Facebook has allowed me to keep people up to date on my progress without making hundreds of phone calls, emails etc. I was even able to do this from my hospital bed using a mobile phone. My spirits have been greatly lifted by all of the messages of support and encouragement I have received.

Am I addicted to Facebook? Yes probably, but no more than those who spend hours on the phone or down the pub are addicted. I am also addicted to cigarettes and I suspect they are a lot more harmful.

In the end, Facebook is a bit of fun. If it’s not your bag, fair enough, but do not try to impose your choices on me.

BBC and the Ibrox Disaster

I was astonished to discover that BBC Scotland was not showing live coverage of the Ibrox Disaster memorial service on TV. It appears that the Saints and Scroungers show hosted by Don from the One Show was more important. I discovered later that the service was shown online and also by Sky Sports. Hard lines if you don’t have a computer or Sky subscription.

I turned to the radio and thankfully BBC Radio Scotland was covering the event. One part of the service that I thought would be particularly important, especially for any friends or relatives of victims unable to attend was the reading of the names by John Grieg and Walter Smith. Well tough for the listeners as the commentators spoke over this. The names were read out by two BBC announcers at the end. I suspect this was because the Beeb had received telephone complaints, but I’m sure most people, like me, would have preferred to hear what the people at Ibrox heard.

Then the two minutes silence started. Only, we had to guess because the commentators failed to announce this.

In making these decisions the BBC has demonstrated crass insensitivity and editorial incompetence. Quite simply they misread the mood of a nation.

This is all the more amazing since in the run up to the anniversary BBC coverage of this topic has been excellent. They had a special documentary and nightly reports on Reporting Scotland as well as frequent references on radio news.

Isn’t it bewildering that News International got it right whilst the BBC got it so wrong? I do not have a Sky subscription but do pay a BBC licence fee. They have let me and all other licence payers down.

The BBC owes the Scottish people an apology.

A Letter to America

Here is the text of a reply I made on a US web site regarding "helping the poor"

Private Good: Public Bad

After three decades in the public sector I get a bit tired of hearing how we've all got it soft. We all need the discipline of business. We need to be more "customer focused".

Despite my ennui, isn't their criticism reasonable. Is it not the case that big business does it better, else they simply would go out of business?

Michelle Mone (you know her that got lucky flogging a few bras) berated the Scottish Government over the recent snow crisis. She said that if she ran her business as badly, she would go bankrupt.

Maybe she has a point. But how have the public and private sectors reacted to this crisis and its possible return. Well the Government, local authorities and police have joined together to produce a plan to keep the country moving. At the same time, Tesco, ASDA and Sainsbury's have simply halted online deliveries in Scotland. Can you imagine the reaction if the public sector did that?

"Oh sorry we can't send an ambulance to deal with your husband's cardiac arrest; we've suspended services in your area".

I had a personal experience which illustrated how well the private sector responds.

A couple of days ago the rear windscreen of my car shattered. My insurance company connected my wife through to their windscreen repair partner. They then said they could fit a temporary windscreen in THREE days. Yes that's three days. The appointed day is also the day I have a major operation. This cut no ice with the company's operator who simply said that was the earliest appointment available. The proper windscreen will be fitted in 10 days and our appointment is for 4.00 a.m. Yes, you got it four o'clock in the morning; in December; in Scotland. In the meantime my car is covered in polythene to protect from the elements. It cannot be used, so just as well I can't get to work. I could go elsewhere of course, but that would cost me hundreds of pounds, instead of getting my dues from the insurance company.

At a course, I was told that we shouldn't treat the public like customers. I said no; they are citizens. Asked the difference, I replied that citizens have a RIGHT to service, whereas customers are served or not at the whim of the provider' the only discipline being that of market competition. Others at this course poured scorn on this notion and indeed insisted that they had a legal right to service from a private company.

This week's events prove that this is not true. Whilst Tesco et al have given up the ghost, public sector workers will continue their heroic efforts to ensure that the public receive their services and that the vulnerable are protected.

Private good; public bad? Are you !"£$%^& joking?

Sexual Apatheid?

Listened to a Radio Scotland phone-in on domestic violence this morning. Unfortunately I only caught the tail end.

I was astonished however to hear a commentator (Morag, sorry I didn't get her full name) say that she felt that she did not like men and that all of my gender did not really act in a decent manner (I apologise for paraphrasing slightly, but I cannot recall the exact words).

I immediately bridled at this. I don't think I am a sexist. I abhor domestic abuse and do think it a serious issue. I think I treat people in a decent manner. Why should I be labelled in this way?

Let's get a few things straight. Most perpetrators of domestic violence ARE men and most victims are women. There are exceptions but given this it is only right to concentrate on the gender politics relevant to the majority case, whilst ensuring that we do not ignore victims who happen to be male.

I can also understand that women who work in this area may develop a cynical view of my gender, to put it simply the "all men are bastards" slant on life.

There are dangers in this approach.

It is important not to alienate all decent PEOPLE. this may reduce support for the cause. As well as this, the proposition is so absurd to most folk that it makes it easier to dismiss the whole issue, which would be a most unfortunate unintended consequence.

Ultimately the view could lead to sexual apartheid. This parallels oddly the view of the most sexist man I have ever known who proposed that men and women should lead entirely separate lives and only meet for recreational and procreative intercourse. There is a parallel here where the views of Afrikaner nationalists and the Nation of Islam end up at the same place (albeit for different reasons); that the races should be separate.

What an awful world this would be. We must accept that there are decent men; indeed I would argue the majority are. You should harness the support of the decent majority rather than alienate them through extreme rhetoric.

Employer Coercion

We are in the middle of the biggest snowfall for 40 years in Scotland. Strathclyde Police have told people not to travel.

Yet at the same time some employers (I'll name no names; OK Glasgow City Council) tell staff to take annual or flexi leave if they can't get in.

So what happens? People gpo to work. They drive or walk through treacherous conditions.

Yet every employer has a duty under Section 6 of the Health and safety at Work Act to protect the Health, Safety andf Welfare of employees.
How do they square that with the leave policy.

Tell you what, why not have a carrot rather than a stick. Those brave souls who can reasonably make it should get a wee bonus (Day's extra leave) rather than penalise those who don't risk their lives.

These are extraordinary times which require an extraordinary response. Given that local authority workers have had to put up with a lot over the last few years then a wee gesture like this would not be unreasonable.

So come on then folks. Just try a little generosity

Let The Punishment...

The hysteria over the woamn who put a cat in a wheelie bin has reached alarming proprortions.

Don't get me wrong. What she did was cruel and she should be subect to due process of law. But she now apparently has to get a Police escort everywhere and some customers of the bank she works at are demanding that her employer sack her.

And why this reaction? The power of the the Internet that's why. Having been captured on CCTV her crime then appeared on You Tube. So she becomes an instant celebrity. And one of the most infamous people in the land, or possibly the planet.

As I said she was wrong and deserves to be punished for what was at best an unthinking action and at worst downright cruelty. But many people will have committed worse crimes and not have their jobs and personal safety put at risk.

It is time we put a little perspective into this and offered the crime the punishment it deserves; no more and no less.

I got quite scared the other day. I thought I had started agreeing with David Cameron.

The occasion was when he condemned comments made on the a Facebook page called "RIP Raoul Moat You Legend".

However, to my great relief I found that I differed form the Prime Minister. He demanded that Facebook should close the page down.

As for me I found the contents absolutely hideous. Let's start with the basics. i cannot agree with Moat being deemed a legend. His actions were despicable. He murdered a man in cold blood. He injured two others and appeared to absolutely reckless as to whether or not they survived. The most generous description I could apply to Moat is that he was just sad.

Quite apart from the inappropriate hero worship of the man there was also the contents of many of the posts on this page. They were vile and contained many sexist, racist rants. They made hideous comments about the Police and Moat's ex partner.

I really do wish this tribute page had never existed. But at the same time I did not want it to be closed down.

Yes, I found it horrible, but then perhaps some people think that of some of my views. If I decide that other people should be censored, then why should I not be censored too.

Freedom of speech is a liberty which our ancestors fought and died for. Yes there are times when it has to be curtailed, but we should defend this freedom as vigorously as we can. We shouldn't let a few wackos on the Internet threaten freedom for the rest of us.

And let's face it, our PM simply provided the oxygen of publicity. The page has been closed by its original controller now and there's a part of me which is relieved. There is however another part that feels the oppression of the orthodox view has won over yet again.

Anyone but England?

"The furore over the “anyone but England” t-shirts must puzzle the rest of the world.

See the story at http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/north_east/8533791.stm

Is it racist? I don’t think so, although I cannot deny there are people in Scotland who are racist about the English. What it is though is a bit pathetic. I have to admit that I personally do not want England to do well at the World Cup, but maybe that says something about me. What I am not daft enough to do is buy one of these silly shirts.

We need to get over this stuff and concentrate on promoting ourselves rather than doing others down. Let’s face it; they qualified and we did not."

Change? Oh Give It a Rest!

I was prompted to write by the new Facebook set up. Why did they need to change it? Nobody seems to like it and I have had to struggle to find out how do simple things again.

Why is change such a holy cow these days? Everywhere we look we see change.

Now don't get me wrong; some change is good. We don't have little boys forced up chimneys anymore and slavery is illegal in most parts of the world. Nobody could argue that this kind of progress is a bad thing.

But it seems to me that in the modern world we often have change for its own sake rather than as a tool for progress. It was not always so. In the classical world continuity was regarded as a virtue and we have the hoary old cliche of something being tried and tested, Now it seems that every few minutes something somewhere changes and not always for the better.

The words I dread seeing on any food product I like are "new improved recipe". How do they know it has improved? Surely that's for the consumer to judge. Even worse sometimes products just disappear for no apparent reason. Presumably some of them are simply no longer economic but I prefer to think that it is the real evil of capitalism plotting specifically against ME!

Now this last point is either mildly humorous or reveals a dangerous ego on my part. But there is also a serious point. Producers argue that the consumer is king. If they oppose something then it ends. Changing the recipe of Coke is the classic example where consumer pressure forced a reversal of policy. But this happens only rarely. In most cases the change happens. Those of us affected have a wee moan then carry on with life and so the producer wins or at least the consumer loses.

It is argued that change is the driver of innovation and therefore an improved world for us all. There is some truth in this but we need more balance and a realisation that sometimes its better, not least for my psyche, to leave things be.

It's NOT Happening NOW

This may seem a strange thing to rant about, but i am becoming more and more annoyed byu the use of the present tense to describe things that happened in the past.

This particular plague seemed to start a few years ago. So far as I can tell iot all began with a Radio 4 programme. Now this is a bit surprising as this particular BBC station is normally loistened to exclsuively by pedants like me. There's abot six million of us in the UK.

The offending programme is called "In Our Time". On its web page it describes itself as a discussion of the history of ideas. Now forgive me if I'm wrong but I thought that it is generally accepted that hsitory happened in the past.

A few programme titles seem to support this nagging suspicion of mine

Arab Conquests: The 7th Century World Order
The Norman Yoke: 1067 and all that
The Terror: When Madam Guillotine ruled France

And then we get various erudite types who will discuss these significant historical events. And what do they say?

The Moors march into Seville
William imposes capital punsihment for many offences
Robespierre dominates the Committee for Public Safety.

But these things are not happening now. They happened in the past. Robespierre no longer dominates this Committe for the simple reason that he snuffed it 216 years ago. William similarly hasn't impsed anything for quite a while.

Now I think this has happened in order to make history seem more relevant, but in fact it just makes these folk sound daft. Which is a terrible shame really as many have great insight.

I fear I have lost the fight on this, particularly as no-one else seems to be bothered. It is worth bothering. It is infecting our culture with novels now adopting this style. It is inelegant; it is just not very nice on the ear.

But most of all it devalues the world of the intellect. Describing historical events in this way cheapens and devalues the messages being put across by some of these great intellects. It is cheap populism at its worst.

So please folk give historical events the respect they deserve and discuss this in the past tense.

A Rant About Talking In The Wrong Place

I’ve had a pretty bad hang up for some time now. People who talk at the wrong time really bug me. In the cinema, in the theatre, at a gig; honestly the yakking just never stops!
There was a very disturbing story on the news in the last few days. A woman in a restaurant in Leeds had bleach thrown into her face causing injury to her eyes. The incident allegedly took place shortly after she had objected to some youths making a noise during a screening of the latest Harry Potter. How dare she interrupt this conversation? She selfishly supposed that she ought to be able to enjoy the film in peace having paid for the privilege.
Few of us have any such luck these days. We have to put up with the disruptive children which parents fail to control, the mobile phone conversations, the inane “catching up” and the commentary from the know it all who has seen it before.
A few examples.
At Carmen two women insisted on talking through the subtle entr’acte.
At the New York Dolls a bunch of drunks stood next to me shouting every few seconds about how great the Dolls are.
I objected to a woman talking on her mobile in the cinema. She told me she hadn’t talked to her son for a while.
When I asked two other women not to talk during a French film they pointed out that it was subtitled.
I went to a musical show (won’t say which as this is a bit of a plot spoiler) where some of the cast stand at the back of the stalls near the end; you guessed, they were talking.
I paid $110 to see the Lion King in New York and people talked through that.
Objection can be a tricky business. When I remonstrated with a couple during a concert the guy stared at me in a threatening manner for a long time, then the couple spent the rest of the gig simulating sex acts.
Am I being too po’ faced. The simple answer is no. I pay good money for my culture and I want to enjoy it.
So folks how about switching off your mobiles, going to the pub or café if you want to catch up with your mates, not bringing your 3 year olds to what are clearly adult 12A films and, dare I say it, just being considerate?
In the words of the Brakes number
“Why don’t you just shut the !”£$ up. I’m here to see the band.”

The Disclaimer

Just occured to me before I start ranting properly, I should make the following clear.

I am employed. I have a family. I belong to a trade union. I am a member of a professional body.

Anthing I say in this blog is down to me. That's right, just me and no-one else.

If it is garbage then it's MY garbage.

Anything I say or any opinion expressed may not be shared by my family, employer, trade union, prefessional body etc. In fact I'd be pretty surprised if anyone agreed with me.

So that's that clear then. Got it? JUST ME!!!!

The Pendelino

Just had the delight of travelling on the new Pendelino back from London to the Second City of the Empire.

Good things first

• It's fast
• It ran on time
• The seats are comfy

Bad things

• Luggage space
• Smoking Nazis prevent you hopping off for a sly puff at a station, even in the open air.
• Prats who are trying to find a seat who forget they have a backpack on and turn and smack your coupon with it.
• The fact that there are almost as many empty first class coaches as there are full to the rafters Standard class. (Black Hole of Calcutta de nos jours as we say in the hostelries of the Royal Burgh).

The luggage space in particular is a joke. Each coach seats about 70 people but only has luggage space for about six large suitcases. Does it occur to them that some of us might have a bit of luggage? So we leave it in the wheelchair space only to be shouted at by a politically correct host (or whatever bizarre term the committee has come up with for ticket collector these days). So I asked him where I should put the large case I had. He walked away.

It's nice that they get the good stuff right but the bad is enough to get you back in a car.

So come on beardy; get your act together!!!

A momentous day

Well this is it. I've finally got round to setting up a blog.

Who knows how long it will last or who will read it.

Possibly I'll be very lonely, but so what?